..::sImPlE aFFinItY::..

Monday, June 27, 2005

Lost - the feeling Im afraid of

Its been a long long while since i had this feeling. The fear of losing someone so dear to me, the fear of someone going to somewhere far far away, the fear of nv seeing someone again. All these came back to me last night and what a long and traumatic night. The previous time was 12 yrs ago when i lost my god father due to cancer. This time round was my grandma. She had difficulty breathing and was panting very heavily. She insisted that she was alright while everyone could tell she wasnt..She slipped in and out of conscious and my heart broke when I saw her so thin and wobbly. The worst was that she did not know what was happening around her. She was still fine and well early the week when we attended a dinner together.

Of all my cousins, she doted me the most as she took care of me during my childhood years when my parents were working. She is v obstinate but she would only listen to my dad, one of my uncle and me. the rest she would turn a deaf ear to. I insisted she to be admitted to hospital and chided my uncles for carrying her the wrong way down the stairs.hEy, Im qualified k.heh but they wont let me. the expression on her face was haix she was in deep pain and agony but she wouldnt voice it out. I really adore and admire my grandma for her courage and toughness. she single handedly brought up 8 children as my grandpa passed away at a v young age. She went through lots of hardship.

My emotions overwhelmed me on the way to the hospital. I held her hands real tight. I dun wan to lose her. I told her to be strong. the past flooded my mind - the way she took care of me while im young. Although its 2 decades ago heh..but its still vivid in my mind. The way she took care of me while I was put under GE for my operation.

She must be sleeping now - just visited her. she appeared much better and I hope she could hear my wishes for her. Her birthday is this sunday. hope she gets well enough to celebrate it..*pray*

Treasure those around you - old fashion it may sound, meaningful it may be

.:aLvIn & tHe cHiPmUnks:. @ 10:58 PM
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